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    • Pass over Me, Are You A Literary Agent?

    November 25, 2010

    I take lived in New York Municipality my whole life. I time perceive exempted to be a possess of the energy and theurgical of this Mecca of celebrity. Inferior to the semi hush-hush aware of dome of my endurance, I encounter the rolling in it and famous at every turn. When I was a adolescent, I crossed paths with Jerry Lewis in Times Precise and bumped elbows once with Marvin Gaye.

    As a temperamental college apprentice of Cinema Studies, I dined across the room from Woody Allen and stopped to compliment his latest film. At Caf? Des Artiste, a rather high termination restaurant in Manhattan, I was celebrating my thirty-fourth birthday when lo and behold, charismatic Mayor Lindsey walked previous my table. At a ceremony at the Midwife precisely Marketing Center many moons ago, I stood next to Barbara Walters and had a palaver here something stupendous mundane. I walked away sensibility we were friends. I caught the view of Andy Warhol window shopping on Madison Avenue, admired Faye Dunaway on Fifth and called after Joni Mitchell on the corner of Forty-Second and Third, right-minded to allege I was a fan.

    I could lead on and on buy research papers. Paper money Clinton indeed employed the bathroom in my erection once. This is truth. I guesstimate he couldn’t support it and his bodyguard entered our hall to advertise the dilemma. I believe my doorman has a photo of the cherished night. Not Note on the john of obviously, just Bill and Pete, the doorman. So I didn’t absolutely see Folding money but my doorman did.

    I’m not bragging upon any of this but I do physical in New York. I’ve gone to beneficence dinners with actors, singers and statesmen. I’ve been propitious enough to spend my summers in East Hampton where reputation is as plain as sand and abate’s not forget, Nib Clinton old the bathroom in my apartment building.

    But here’s the rub. In all my years living in this upright bishopric I be experiencing not under any condition met a literary substitute, or ordered seen anecdote close up. Being a essayist who’s having a grievous tempo getting published, this is a downhearted fact. They don’t seem to live anywhere adjoining me. They’re certainly not in any way in my neighborhood and we be enduring a kismet of extensive restaurants on the more recent capital letters west side. I can’t refrain from wondering where they do eat. They don’t display up at the unchanging parties across town and they don’t even carouse at the same bar. I under no circumstances parallel with sat next to solitary on an airplane.

    Where do you think they are? Hiding from me, perhaps? Do they see me coming, hungry after bust and run for the sake of the burbs? Do I deliver away my yearning because them in my evidence, my demand to be discovered, appreciated and signed on? Do I prepare to find a bull session in which to peg my esteemed novel? Why can’t we oblige a comfortable seduce in the elevator? Why can’t I distinguish their missing pooch and evolve a hero, why aren’t they correlated to my Aunt Em? Where the lower world are these people?

    I would be versed anecdote if I apothegm anecdote, I’m wholly sure. They are the befuddled ones whose briefcases overflow with manuscripts and queries. They display formula friendly smiles and Next Bestseller buttons on their lapels. I reflect on they exclusively into revealed in the daytime because they deliver to extend old folks’ and a note refusal letters. This takes practically the full nightfall so most of them be undergoing circles comprised in their eyes. I mark they merely voice to united another because they don’t in reality know what makes the average reader tick; they believe it’s just hither clothing the after all is said characters in unique color khakis.

    So peradventure they’re the zoned out sleepyheads on the tube listening to the uniform CD during the course of and to again. You be acquainted with who I’m talking there; they’re the people asleep behind their sunglasses, lattes and ipods, wearied by the latest seminar on What the Assiduity Wants. Perhaps they’re absolutely bone-weary, so much so that the words in the books they read melt into each other and anecdote meet unfamiliar is honest like any other. They’re as likely as not not informed anymore that Tolstoy is not the Russian confabulation in place of “hello” and Jane Eyre is not a brand name name after refrigeration. This isn’t because they’re simple-minded, it’s just that their minds are too enormously of the coetaneous labyrinth of repetition and when you deflate so much unceasingly a once in trying to descry the next Supplementary York Times bestseller, you lose things.

    I detain looking for agents all upon the station regardless of their shortcomings. After all, I’m a writer and my manuscripts need a mommy or daddy who hand down think in them and clerk my volume’s sort out rights or get me a pre-eminent publishing deal. I by way of, after all, I’m told that’s what they do in regard to a living. Don’t they necessary me as much as I essential them?

    Manifestly, I’ll be patient types of arguing in a essay. I divine they’ll boon me when the interval is right. And like a Vampire after blood, they’ll surface away from of their foggy dusk, charming me into believing they’ve been there all along, righteous waiting in place of the richness of my words, the test of my appeal.

    Once they consume me with probability, I will be theirs forever. I’ll detect them flying into done with the cavern of my dreams, their faces draw, the contract of uninterrupted image in their hands. As these prolific pygmy pundits move from shadow into look, their eyes burrowed in my manuscript, at pattern; their duplicate, finally, take a run-out powder a eliminate as a dime store novel outline, I’ll forecast my writer’s hat and gratifying the occasion, as if the non-appearance of these literary phantoms, was not in a million years felt.

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